My vision for this blog was that I'd post regularly, working my way gently through my issues. I'd come out the other side wiser, more centered, having carved a pathway for myself to independence--or maybe in finding myself I'd become so stunningly terrific that J and I would get back together having learned so much about life and love and how to be in a marriage.
Well, it's been a busy, stressful summer, and I feel like I'm backsliding in a big way. I'm feeling so scattered that my mind flits from topic to topic. The most I can come up with tonight is to list issues I want to visit:
- My anger at my father for his philandering ways. For a full two months this summer I was convinced that if he weren't a serial cheater, I wouldn't be getting divorced. (Yeah, I know this is self-destructive and unfair, but there it is.) I do think the history of my parents' marriage is important--even if just so I can see that I am not my mother and J is not my father.
- Whining about how the fabric of my life is falling apart, both figuratively and literally. I know money can't buy love or happiness, but it could buy a lawnmower that works.
- I've got to get myself back to the garden. In the beginning I was resolutely focused on the positive lessons. Now I've lost track of my path to joy and my gold list. I hope that sharing them here will remind me to focus.
Now here's a flower to help me remember....
