I STOLE THE IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND IDEA from Amy Sedaris. But I added a twist of Oprah. Amy is wonderful, but I don't really want what she has with Ricky. The Oprah part comes in because I heard from a friend of a friend, that although she didn't find what she was looking for on those dating sites, signing up and filling out her "wish list" helped her to figure out what she was looking for in a relationship. Then she married someone she met somewhere else. Isn't that the way those stories always go? And happily ever after and good for her. Really.
So what am I looking for? L's new boyfriend doesn't have to be perfect, but he does have to at least aspire to all of these qualities:
- Communication: He has to at least believe that communication is primary in a relationship. He doesn't have to be the best communicator all the time, but he needs to recognize when he is in danger of shutting down, and rectify the situation. He needs to be willing to listen and share with courage and respect, even when the news is difficult.
- Maintenance: You don't just put gas in a car and drive it. You change the oil; you rotate the tires; you check the fluids. My new boyfriend needs to understand the importance (and the fun!) of maintaining relationships. I'm not saying that date night has to be stiffly regulated--that can be a trap in itself. But he can't skimp on time together: talking and being silent; laughing and sharing sadness; being alone with me and being with friends together.
- Well, I have more to add, but just now need to attend to some other things, and think about this a bit more. This is my list, and subject to change without notice. What's on your list? Do you have ideas to share?
