TREATING MYSELF LIKE GOLD

This idea for this list came from a friend, and felt like a gift. She told me her husband was trying too hard to win the love of her kids. He is not their bio dad. He came into their life kind of late. He would shower them with presents and go to all their sporting events, spend more time with the kids than he did with his wife. She told me, "He's got the wrong idea. If he wants to win over the kids, he should be treating ME like gold." He wasn't treating her badly, just maybe a little bit too focused on winning the kids, maybe because they were pulling away, and she was feeling a little neglected. "But," she said, "if he's not going to treat me like gold, I'm going to have to treat myself like gold." And that's what she did. When he wasn't into going on vacation, she took the kids on a nice camping trip. She bought herself little presents, took herself out to coffee, out for a glass of wine, out for a movie night with friends.

I decided that I would do that too, and I made a list of ways I could treat myself like gold. Here it is:

• Making my bed in the morning.
• Doing exercises every day.
• Eating healthy foods.
• Treating those around me with love and respect.
• Paying the bills and making sure my life is running smoothly.
• Keeping in touch with my kids.
• Getting enough rest.
• Saying no when I need to.
• Making choices about what I'll share with whom.
• Making a nice dinner, sometimes with dessert.
• Making sure I have health care.
• Asking for support when I need it.
• Indulging in time alone.
• Maintaining my home.
• Enjoying my family.
• Picking flowers for the table.
• Giving myself credit for all I do.
• Turning all these outward to the people surrounding me.

"IF YOU'RE HAPPY, I'M HAPPY"

If you're happy, I'm happy.

That's what they say when they mean

• "I'm skeptical."
• "I can't believe you'd take him back."
• "What are you, some kind of idiot?!"

Do I sound bitter? I actually love the people who said this to me. Well, most of them. And it's not like I don't understand their concerns. I do. I might have the same concerns, say the same words, to you in a similar situation.

I mean, it's no accident that I haven't posted in almost a year. I hadn't even finished processing my divorce when I started dating again. And for an even bigger cliché, I'm dating my ex, for crying out loud. I had a nice plan for my life, for my blog posts where I therapeutically explored each aspect of my marriage and divorce and transformed it into something healing. So, the joke's on me, right?

But also, I'm getting a little annoyed at having to defend my choice for round two of this relationship. I got a call from an old friend the other day. I had already told her via email that I was seeing J again. That was several months ago, and she was calling to check on me. I told her we were still together and things were going well, and she said she was happy. 
But. 
She really wasn't. 

She was worried about me. She even said as much, and wants to call me again later so we can talk more freely (J was right there when she called). 

It's not like I haven't heard the same worries from most of my friends and some of my family. It's not like I wouldn't have the same worries. But I realized after I hung up that I'm tired of calming everybody down about this. People can either trust that I can handle my own life, or not. I'm no longer interested in defending the wisdom of my choice.

On the other hand, now that I've broken the ice about getting back together with J, maybe I can get on with my blog, because I still think an in depth exploration of my divorce would be beneficial. Our reconciliation is really just one part of that.

Yes, everyone. I'm happy. So happy you're happy too!