We didn't have the traditional marriage--I didn't take my husband's name, didn't have a big blowout wedding--or even a small family gathering. We got married in a campground without any family present. We sort of eloped. Now I don't want the traditional divorce either.We're both trying very hard not to drag our kids through a bitter firestorm, and I think we're doing a dang fine job.
I keep looking for positives amidst the pain. Here's one golden nugget that a friend gave me. She said that her Taikwando instructor defines a successful marriage like this: A marriage is successful, regardless of duration, if each person has been enriched by the marriage. I can say without a doubt, that living with J for 25 years enriched my life in myriad ways. Here are a few:
- We raised beautiful children together.
- I went places I never would have gone on my own.
- I learned a little about sailing.
- I learned to love seafood.
- I gained confidence and finished my degree.
- I learned to think of myself as a professional.
- I learned to take care of the car.
- I got in the habit of flossing.
- I learned to run.
I feel confident that living with me enriched his life, too--but that's a list for his own blog.
Children are for a lifetime. Marriage, maybe not.
ReplyDeleteWill you go to new places now? Without J?
Will you sail?
Eat seafood? (of course, that's easy)
Still have confidence?
Professional. Did you get that from marriage or did you get that on your own?
Have you checked the radiator hoses?
Flossing is good. Do the kids do that?
Are you running still? To or from something?
Blessings on you. And your friends.
Thank you so much for these questions, Charles. :) I haven't logged in for awhile, but find thinking about the answers therapeutic, so here they are:
ReplyDelete• I will go places without J. Not so far away, maybe. I always liked to visit friends and family. I like a road trip. He likes to see places we can't really afford to go. I like living within my means. I'm trying to stretch those means out a bit.
• I might sail. Know anyone with a boat? :) (Actually, I'd need a class. I was always first mate, and not a very confident one at that.)
• Yum.
• I'm gaining confidence, stitch by stitch.
• I do acknowledge J's part in my finding my profession. He was always urging me forward to think more confidently.
• Note to self: check the hoses. (Thanks Charles.)
• I tell them to, and give them dentist-sized spools of floss every year--but it's really up to them.
• I just started running again. I'm running toward a graceful middle age and strong, healthy knees.
~blessings on you, too, Charles. :)